As the year draws to a close, many of us find ourselves in a reflective mood perhaps even examining the relationships that we have cultivated throughout the months. The intricate dance of human connections is both a source of profound joy and, at times, an arena where emotions are tested and relationships are strained. Words spoken in haste, and actions fueled by fleeting emotions are the things that if left unattended, threaten to unravel the bonds we hold dear. It is inevitable as human beings that we will hurt others and be hurt by them. It is even said that those we care about the most can hurt us worse than any stranger could. However, the beauty of this season lies not just in acknowledging this but in understanding the transformative power of forgiveness.
Regarded as one of the most humanizing of all our abilities, the art of forgiveness serves as a soothing balm for our hurts, a remedy for irritations, and a healer of resentments. Its profound capacity to mend relationships, illuminate our days, and restore the joy in living makes forgiveness a pivotal act. Embracing forgiveness allows us to usher in the new year with unburdened hearts and renewed connections, fostering a sense of liberation and harmony as we embrace the possibilities of the approaching year.
Why forgiveness is important
Relationships aren’t perfect! Some days, we find ourselves emotionally bruised and battered by the words and actions of others. And sometimes, we are the ones whose choices inflict deep pain on someone else. Whether we find ourselves on the receiving end of pain or as the architects of it, one thing for certain is that we all have to learn how to master the art of forgiveness. Most of us go through life, carrying resentments and grievances from various experiences. It may seem natural to not want to let someone off the hook for what they have done to us, but the problem is that these feelings of resentment only end up hurting us. And sometimes, past hurts end up following us throughout our lives shaping the way we treat others, make decisions, act in daily situations, and eventually affecting our worldview.
According to the the American Psychological Association, forgiveness involves willingly putting aside feelings of resentment toward someone who has committed a wrong, been unfair or hurtful, or otherwise harmed you in some way. It’s not just about accepting what has happened, rather it involves a voluntary transformation of your feelings, attitudes, and behavior so that you are no longer dominated by resentment and you are even capable of expressing compassion, toward the person who wronged you. Here are four reasons why forgiveness is important.
- Forgiveness frees you and gets you out of victim mode: Forgiveness breaks the bond that ties you negatively to another person, it allows you to take your power back meaning you are no longer a victim nor are you controlled by the energy and emotion you have so deeply invested in a certain person/situation. Freeing yourself emotionally through forgiveness may allow you to eventually see a person/situation in a whole different light because it neutralizes anger and resentment. Remember you can choose to forgive without necessarily forgetting what happened or letting the person who hurt you back into your life. In fact, you should not try to pretend that everything is back to normal simply because you have chosen to forgive.
2. Improves mental and physical health: Stress, anger, anxiety, and even depression are some of the negative emotions that can be linked to unforgiveness and can take a toll on your mind, body, and spirit. The act of forgiveness has tangible effects on both our mental and physical health. Forgiveness not only reduces stress but also positively influences physical health indicators such as blood pressure and heart rate. According to a study by the National Institute of Health and a publication by Research Gate, the release of negative emotions through forgiveness contributes to a healthier cardiovascular system, emphasizing the interconnectedness of emotional and physical well-being.
3. Promotes personal growth and empowerment: Forgiveness is a transformative process that promotes personal growth and empowerment, it allows us to learn from our experiences and develop a greater sense of self-awareness. When we hold onto anger and resentment, we are essentially limiting our ability to learn from our experiences and grow as individuals. Through the act of forgiveness, we liberate ourselves from the shackles of negative emotions that impede our progress, fostering a deeper comprehension of both the situation and our inner workings. In doing so, we open the door to personal growth, enabling us to transcend limitations and emerge as more enlightened and improved individuals.
4. Improves Relationships: Although love is the basis of all relationships, it is oftentimes not enough because we are all flawed. The power of forgiveness therefore plays a pivotal role in maintaining and repairing our relationships because it teaches us empathy and helps us understand ourselves better. Holding onto grudges can erode the fabric of relationships, leading to distance and resentment.
It's not an easy journey to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place because it frees you.
Misconceptions about forgiveness
One common misconception is that forgiving means condoning or releasing someone from well-deserved consequences for their wrongdoing. In reality, forgiveness is a personal choice to release the grip of resentment. Forgiveness is not the same as justice, it’s simply about acknowledging the hurt without necessarily absolving the offender of responsibility
Another misconception revolves around the belief that forgiveness requires reconciliation with the person who caused the harm. Forgiveness and reconciliation are, in fact, two different steps. While reconciliation is one potential outcome, forgiveness is primarily an internal process focused on personal healing. It’s about extending mercy to those who’ve harmed us, even if they don’t “deserve” it. You can forgive someone without feeling the need to reconcile with them
Some may mistakenly think that forgiving means forgetting, or magically erasing the memory of the hurtful experience. However, forgiveness does not imply amnesia but rather a conscious choice to release the emotional burden associated with the memory. The truth is that recalling the hurt is an essential step to healing it. You can’t forgive someone for something that you’re not acknowledging. Therefore, in order to forgive, you shouldn’t try to forget. Rather, you should actually take time to remember what happened and reflect on that experience. By remembering the lesson without the emotional charge, you safeguard yourself from future harm while embracing personal growth.
There’s also a misconception that forgiveness is a one-time event, a quick fix to deep wounds. In reality, forgiveness is often a gradual process that involves reflection, acceptance, and a commitment to letting go, it’s a practice that we must continually hold onto for it to truly set us free. Forgiveness is a journey, not a destination.
As social beings wired for connection, we must embrace vulnerability to establish meaningful connections with others. This entails acknowledging the possibility of getting hurt, as none of us is perfect. Therefore, mastering the art of forgiveness becomes an essential skill for every individual. Forgiveness allows us to break free from the chains of resentment, fostering emotional well-being, improving relationships, and paving the way for personal growth. As the year draws to a close, we encourage you to reflect on the connections you’ve forged and urge you to let forgiveness be a guiding light, offering the promise of unburdened hearts and renewed connections.
