In the realm of relationships, the spotlight often falls on romance. A simple Google search can reveal a plethora of information about maintaining romantic partnerships. However, amidst all this focus on romantic love, it’s important not to overlook the significance of friendships. Friends are truly a treasure, in an uncertain world they provide a comforting sense of stability and connection. They celebrate our joys and stand by us through challenging times. Yet, despite their immense value, nurturing and maintaining genuine adult friendships can be quite challenging.
During our formative years, our social calendars were packed with a bevy of activities that naturally facilitated the growth of friendships. But as we transition into adulthood, opportunities to meet new people seem few and far between. Our adult lives can easily turn into a whirlwind of obligations. From caring for children, partners, and aging parents to grappling with demanding work schedules.
These life obligations can often overshadow the pursuit of new friendships nevertheless; these responsibilities do not mean making friends as an adult is impossible. With the right support, resources, and guidance, you can start creating lasting friendships that’ll help you thrive.
The importance of friendships in adulthood
The great philosopher Aristotle once wrote, “Man is by nature a social animal.” Meaning as human beings, we are wired to connect. While forging new friendships might seem daunting, the importance of having a strong social support system cannot be overstated. A close friend can serve as a sounding board, helping us navigate life’s ups and downs. Furthermore, friends contribute to our overall well-being in countless ways.
They provide emotional support, reduce stress and promote mental health. A study published in 2020 found that social isolation and loneliness may be linked with inflammation while having strong social connections has also been linked with a lower risk of developing significant health problems, such as depression and high blood pressure. Friends can also:
- Improve your self-confidence and self-worth
- Increase your sense of belonging and purpose
- Help with personal growth and keep you mentally fit
Why it's hard to make friends as an adult
The fact is it’s way harder to make friends as an adult than it was when we were younger. The difficulty isn’t necessarily that you’re ‘uncool’ or awkward rather It’s the fact that the essential building blocks of friendship are harder to come by when you’re older. Here are some common reasons that make it challenging to develop new connections.
Proximity
According to Social Psychology, one of the factors of attraction is the ‘proximity effect’. Research shows that the more time you spend with someone, the more likely you are to feel an emotional closeness and depth of friendship with them. The older you get the more life gives you fewer opportunities for proximity. Work friends can get reassigned or move on to new jobs, or you could experience a life-changing situation that requires you to move to a new city or country making it challenging to maintain proximity. Naturally, friendships might be less likely to develop or may develop more slowly if they do.
Lack of trust
The most common reason why people struggle to connect with others is due to a lack of trust. It’s harder than ever for people to find friends that they can fully invest in emotionally and mentally. This is why existing friendships become our main sources of companionship, making us less open to forming new connections.
Fear of rejection
The fear of rejection can be daunting. As adults, we’re more aware of our surroundings which is a good thing but it also means we’re more fearful of taking risks. We might hesitate to approach potential friends due to a fear of not being accepted or finding common ground.
How to make & keep friends as an adult
Despite the challenges, making and keeping friends in adulthood is entirely feasible with the right approach.
Initiate contact and approach with positivity
Let go of the myth that friendship happens organically. You have to take responsibility rather than wait passively. If you come across someone you have things in common with and feel like there’s potential for a blossoming friendship, don’t be afraid to initiate contact. Making a friend is a two-way street, and the other person could be just as hesitant to reach out. Commonalities are a good starting point for a friendship because It’s easier to bond with someone when they are like you in some way. However, It’s important to maintain a positive attitude because not every friendship you attempt will get off the ground. This is not something to take personally; building friendships is a process that takes time.
Follow up & Initiate plans
Make sure to follow up with people after meeting them. You can do this by checking in over text or social media to see how they’re doing. Remember to be tactful about your approach so you don’t come off as desperate or look like a stalker. You can also take the initiative to plan outings or activities with potential friends. This not only shows your interest but also provides an opportunity for deeper conversations and shared experiences. Remember, it’s not grandiose gestures that make up a friendship over time, it’s the consistency of connecting.
Stay Curious
Be genuinely interested in others. Instead of talking about yourself or trying to impress people, lead with curiosity. Ask open-ended questions and actively listen when engaging in conversations but don’t seek to respond with advice unless it is asked for directly. This not only helps you understand the perspectives of different people but also lays the foundation for meaningful connections.
Quality Over Quantity
Focus on building deep, meaningful connections rather than trying to accumulate a large number of friends. Invest time and effort into a few friendships that resonate with your values and interests.
Be Vulnerable
Vulnerability can be a tough thing, it means letting down barriers, opening our hearts, and sharing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences authentically in order to show people who we are. Vulnerability fosters trust and creates stronger bonds. You don’t have to dive head-first into a new friendship with a high level of vulnerability. But as you continue to foster relationships, some level of vulnerability will help to strengthen your relationships.
“Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them. Being vulnerable and open is mutual and an integral part of the trust-building process.”
~ Brene Brown~
While adult friendships might pose unique challenges, they are an essential component of a fulfilling and balanced life. Prioritize creating and nurturing these connections, as they offer emotional support, enriching experiences, and contribute to your overall well-being. By approaching new connections with an open mind, and deliberately investing time and effort, you can forge lasting friendships that stand the test of time.
